The · Whine-ry

It’s been a long time coming.

I’m leaving LiveJournal, It’s not fun anymore; I’m taking my toys elsewhere to play.

Since joining LJ, my blogging have gone a little downhill.

I find I’m not as witty, funny or whiny as I used to be, it could be that life has sucked the humour out of me but I refuse to believe that. I find that I can’t be myself here, it’s no longer therapeutic, it’s become a chore and I now write just because.

I’m going someplace where I can be myself and not feel like I’m writing for an audience.

Plus I have so much audio to share and LJ wouldn’t let me upload audio so there!

I leave you with this set; I hope the irony’s not lost on you.

Yesterday   

 Today

My vacation is over, I return home tomorrow to this... SNOW! 


My brother sent me these this morning, 
I couldn't imagine snow anywhere since it's sunny and warm as hell here and it was raining when I left Vancouver.


 

I almost don't want to go back but I don't mind the snow despite all the craziness that comes with it as long as it's not raining. 

  
I do miss Vancouver; it's a uniquely different place that you sometimes need to get away from for a while to truly appreciate. 
And whilst away the world's largest airline visited

On a personal level, this time away also brought me to four very important realizations: 
1. We are not above the things we speak so vehemently against. 
2. Every one in an illicit relationship naturally believes their situation is "very" different" (I should know...). 
3. Some things (you just know) can only end badly. 
4. Don't throw stones... we will all live in a glass house at some point. 

Where in the hell can you go far from the things that you know
Far from the sprawl of concrete that keeps crawling its way about 1,000 miles a day? - Motherland, Natalie Merchant

This city and I need some time apart.

I’m sick of the murky yellowish brown water that’s taking it sweet time turning clear. The constant rain’s slowly sucking the life out of me. I’m tired of gloomy dark clouds outside my window. The sound of rain from outside my bedroom window isn't soothing anymore. I wish it gets cold enough to snow just so we get a little break from the rain.

I’m leaving this city for a while, not that I expect things to be different upon my return (well, I at least hope the water situation is resolved), I just want to miss it enough not care about the small things – maybe I just need a break. I want to be in awe of this city again!

I’m going to  for a while. It’s a bit like homecoming for me as I’m returning for the first time in four years since I left. I’m a little nervous although I’m not certain why.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that my flight is at 8:55AM, I’m supposed to be at the airport three hours before the departure time and there’s a three hour drive to the airport!

Thanks a lot American Airlines! Oh wait; I’m the idiot who was tying to be cheap! Instead of flying from YVR like any normal person I thought I’d spare a few bucks (although over $250.00 in savings is nothing to sneeze at) and go from SeaTac instead.

It was all working out perfectly until AA decided to cancel the 2:55PM flight, bumped us to 8:55AM virtually closing my getting-to-the-airport-window.

Anyway, these things always somehow work themselves out so there’s no point in loosing any more sleep than necessary.

I imagine I’ll have a good time in Maryland; it’s Thanksgiving, I’ll see old friends, visit my old haunts, shop and dine.

I’ll probably see things differently, do I have a West Coast perspective – is there such a thing?

There’s so much that different about me yet I don’t’ feel changed; maybe I’ve just aged.

  That's what the health officials are telling us - which is ironic considering they've been trying for the longest time to convince us that tap water was completely safe to drink.

But these have been a weird couple of days; It feels like the elements are deliberately being hostile.

My mom used to sing Lizette Woodworth Reese's A Little Song of Life  to me when I was little. It's one of my favourite poems because it makes life seem so easy and straight forward.

Glad that I live am I;
That the sky is blue;
Glad for the country lanes,
And the fall of dew.
After the sun the rain,
After the rain the sun;
This is the way of life,
Till the work be done.
All that we need to do,
Be we low or high,
Is to see that we grow
Nearer the sky.

Help Amnesty International to keep fighting for an end to violence against women. Click on logo to watch the new video.

One day our bodies will work the way it’s supposed to, until then...

Have a sad World Diabetes Day!

Silence is golden. Yet if we keep quite long enough, at times the most important things may never get said.

That said;

Cherish those sundrenched joyful days.

Look to the heavens and bath in the glow.

For a day will come, my child

When dark clouds overcome the soul

And then shall come the rain

Before:

Today:

Indignation! How dare they? Can’t anyone just tell plain truths anymore? Why can’t people just be themselves?

I thought about it some more trying to uncover the source of my anger; that was when I came to this decision:

I decided it was his life story and as such, his right to tell it anyhow he sees fit.

Besides, I wasn’t angry because he lied, I was angry because he isn’t the person I wanted him to be and he shouldn’t be responsible for that!

location:	Gastown
mood:	awake
listening to: :	Some French podcast

Who the hell gets a cold in the summer? Uhhmmm... that would be me!

Catching a cold in this sweltering heat isn’t fun; it just zaps the life out of you.

I spent the weekend trying myself.

Saturday was the Darfur Peace Walk; I lugged myself out, helped out and walked

location:	Gastown
mood:	crappy
listening to: :	So long Jimmy - James BLunt

I create this whole new personality for them in my imagination which slowly seeps into my reality.

I excuse their carnal traits and there’s hardly any wrong to them; my own personal demigods, they become.

When the veil lifts eventually, I’m somehow glad for the moment we had in that fun magical place.

location:	Gastown
mood:	crappy
listening to: :	humming sound

So I was doing my grocery last Saturday when an older man walked up to me in the produce section and asked “Do you want to buy something very exquisite today?”

I flinched a little and thought ewww, get away from me, pervy old man.

He adds that he’s seen something that he just had to share, so I take a few steps towards the mushrooms and I see this:

location:	Gastown
mood:	curious
listening to: :	Westminster Chimes - 15 mins

I think about it seriously for a minute and consider the implications. My impetuously adventurous side wishes he was dead serious.

Plus I think it’s damn romantic, like those chauvinistic romantic situations in old romance novels.

My depressingly cynical side kicks in moments later and I get little annoyed; how many times do I have to tell this man that I don’t want children!

I’m not one of those people that knew they didn’t want children the minute they were born, I didn’t grow up a tomboy and I love pink.

When I was six and Big Jet had her litter, she suffered doggy post partum. She practically abandoned them, wouldn’t let them feed and was basically indifferent.

I’d spend hours patiently trying to get them to take cow milk and when they got a little older we fed them a mixture of papaya and milk. My dad claimed it was the healthiest food in the world, I think that was all we could afford then.

I don’t’ remember what happened to the puppies but Big Jet had to be put down a few months later after she went “crazy”

I draw on that incident as the pinnacle of my mothering instincts, basically because my mom referred to the puppies as my babies and uses it to convince me I’d make a great mother.

I don’t go proclaiming I don’t want children the way I used to before, maybe I was trying to convince myself back then.

Or maybe I got tired of being told to wait until I’m such and such; and/or how women, no matter what they think or say inherently just want to become mothers.

I’m at that age where my biological clock should be raging, I still don’t have the urge to hunker down and procreate.

Every once in a while I do think about it though, I even contemplate doing it, almost the same way I contemplate running a marathon.

I do hope to run that marathon but I don’t end up doing all the things I contemplate doing. If I did, I’d be...never mind

I adore babies; I just don’t want any of my own. I threw out my carefully thought, very strong and fancy reasons a while back because I feel I don’t need it anymore, I just know and I’m content with that.

My perplexingly romantic side wishes that when he’s serious, he’d find someone who’d have his babies; I’ll probably be devastated but that should never stand in the way of love and the great romantic adventure.

location:	Gastown
mood:	calm
listening to: :	Billy - James Blunt

A great new friend who promises to be my lifelong email buddy and a gentleman from Kampala who insists I stay with him whenever I’m there and I’ve got to tastes his wife’s... something (I’m pretty sure he’s talking her food)

Speaking of Kampala, I downloaded Skype. It’s pretty neat, I can’t believe it took me this long; my BFF Josie’s been hounding me to get it for ever and it all sounded oh so complicated (now I understand how my mother feels sometimes).
Then a got a new cell phone that came with Skype and I discovered it wasn’t complicated at all.

So I have Skype, except Josie’s in London and since it requires us both being home at the same time or me being out at some wifi location, it’s not working out well so far but the good news is, calls are free to landlines in US and Canada so I’ve been busy on that.

Last Sunday I got two calls from Kampala and Dubai, it was really weird because these were strangers who just chose to call me randomly (were they, did they?) and talking to them was just as creepy.

I’m going to Lynnwood, WA for a little retail therapy on Saturday. Lynnwood because it’s the closest with all the stores I want to hit; Trader Joe’s, Sally’s, Target, Nordstrom Rack and Sephora – all of which we don’t have in BC.

The exchange rate has been great lately, now I can shop in the US like I have real Benjamins; or not great depending on perspective.

When I moved to Canada some four years ago (man, how time flies) I remember changing $5000.00 US to Canadian and I got about $7500, so today at the Bureau de Change I asked (for shits and giggles) how much $5000 US fetches these days and was told $5400 Canadian!

This isn’t good; well, maybe it’s good when crossing over to buy crap I don’t need but beyond that I see very little advantages; we’re a tourist city, higher Canadian $ means the stingy Americans won’t visit... etc, etc, etc.

Speaking of Americans; I made a whole lot more friends on my lunch break.
I tell you, people love me! No really, it was the Ghana shirt; most folk here will love anyone that beats the US at anything, except terrorist, we abhor terrorists too.

And I love America and I just realized that I have “Dubai” and “US” and “Terrorist” in this post so it may come up on some red flag somewhere and I’m crossing the border tomorrow.

location:	Gastown
mood:	curious
listening to: :	Te Busque - Nelly Furtado

See, this is what happens when we put aside our differences and strive towards a common goal (pun intended): Good things.

I swear I heard a jubilant cheer when the first goal was scored... even the people in the West End of Vancouver loves the Black Stars.

I had to turn off my phone this morning because people kept calling to congratulating me, like I did something.

I don’t care if we have casual Fridays or not, I’m wearing my T-shirt tomorrow.

GO GHANA! I love you looooooooong-time!

location:	Gastown
mood:	ecstatic
listening to: :	Oulala - Angelique Kidjo

Sometimes, in life, we get to that place where we’ve always wanted to be. And for a brief moment content sets in, and suddenly it’s all butterflies and rainbows again.

But we were inherently greedy (or I am) and we’d want for more, and we try harder, and the strain sets in (and I get to come back and whine about it)

I think I may be in love, or probably in love with the idea of being in love. I’m a romantic, it sounds awfully dreamy to leave this all behind; and start anew... oh the prospects!

I’ve become marginally interested in the World Cup; possibly because Ghana is in it.
I got a little testy with my boss when he mentioned Ghana loosing to Italy. I got very defensive like one of those people I don’t wish to become. Not to make fun of a tragedy but do you think this guy was a Ghana fan?
People just need to chill... take a walk on a beach or something (oh wait, he was at the beach!)

Last Friday I went to Roots and pleasingly discovered that they had Ghana in their Football T-Shirt collection.
I think I’ll wear it all this weekend; I wonder what a full on obsession is like
Is it summer yet?

sorry about the poor image

location:	Gastown
mood:	awake
listening to: :	No Bravery - James Blunt

Let’s see, where do I begin? Oh yeah, I no longer work for the evil oil company, and now that I’m outta there I can’t for the life of me understand why I ever worked there to begin with… I tell ya, the things we’ll do for a buck

I doubt there’s a perfect job for me out there, in my ideal world, I’ll never have to work.
Since this world is anything but ideal, I did the next best thing, I found myself a less contentious employer. There’s no shame in working for an idealist maybe a tad precarious but the feeling is rewarding. So that’s what I’m doing now.
My new employer believes he makes a difference; one tree, one forest, one park, playground and cemetery at a time and I’m just along for the ride because it’s different, exciting and unlike anything I’ve ever done. Plus it’s so casual, I could come in with my pyjamas and flip-flops and no one would care.

I moped the first few days thinking I’d made the second biggest mistake of my life, I missed the evil oil company, my friends, my haunts and my perks; then I got my first pay cheque then it reminded me of what this is all about.
Weeks later my mom said -- “Aren’t you glad you’re no longer contributing to a company that provides helicopters to kill your fellow Africans?” - - well, if you put it like that, I’d say I worked for Beelzebub himself.
I’ll probably find fault with this new one in the coming months but for now it’s tolerable and I’m revelling in it.

I am (officially) a Canadian!
I’ve called places in a few countries home in my lifetime… five national anthems later; I’ve taken on a second citizenship – my first, by choice.
I always imagined citizenship outside of birth nothing more than ceremonial or maybe convenient, I found that it goes beyond that.
For me, it was about acceptance of being and putting down roots in a place that has challenged me like none other to embrace my heritage.

Spring is here and my allergies seem to worsen with every season. I tried homeopathic remedies but that doesn’t last through the night so benadryl is my crack.

location:	Gastown
mood:	optimistic
listening to: :	Bag pipes